Will you sign my report?
by Alanna diAblo
Summary: SongFic, I replaced the infamous words of "Will you light my candle?" from Rent w/ X-files stuff. All in good fun.


Title: Will you sign the report?  
Author: Alanna diAblo  
Summary: Pointless songfic, borrowing the tune from the Rent song, "Will you light my candle?" Enjoy.  
Rating: PG  
Author's note: I was bored during study hall, I love rent and the x-files, i was singing "will you light my candle" but i put in xf refferances, i was bored, i wrote it down, thus "will you sign my report" was born.  
Random Quote: We're off to do our homework, the magical 20's of Ohc!  
Haiku: Please don't arrest me  
fuck you, i want to get high  
...and see cool colors.  
!@#$%!@#$%!@#$%!@#$%  
All is peaceful in the FBI headquarter's basement. Mulder has the lights off in his area and is watching some porn while tossing a worn basketball up in the air. Everyone else has gone for the evening. Suddenly, the door to the hallway opens, a beam of light spreading across the scene in the X-Files office. Mulder spins around in his chair to face Scully, while pausing the porno simultaniusly. The music kicks in.  
  
Mulder: What'd you forget?  
  
Scully: Gotta pen?  
  
M: I do but-  
  
He snaches the report out of his partners hand and skims it...  
  
M: This isn't true.  
  
S: It's valid, I had it analysed, and it was the correct size. Will you sign the report? What are you glaring at?  
  
Mulder is holding up a picture form the case file and examining it. He turns on a desk lamp and looks at it under a magnifiing glass.  
  
M: Nothing, this picture reminded me-  
  
S: It always reminds you of, who are they?  
  
Mulder has pulled out another picture and is comparing the two.  
  
M: They died-Mr.X and Deep Throat...  
  
S: Look, here's a pen! Will you sign the report.?  
  
Scully has squeezed the pen so hard in her fustration at this point, that the pen has exploded. Mulder is amuesed she hasn't noticed this problem yet.  
  
M: Well?  
  
S: Yeah? OOOooo...  
  
M: Ya, the pen...  
  
S: It's leaking..the ink's all over my..  
  
M: Trenchcoat. It figures. Oh well. (He hands her a paper towel), goodbye.  
  
Scully leaves, wipping furiously at her coat. Halfway down teh hall she realises she didn't get the report signed. Currsing under her breath, she turns around and re-enters the office.  
  
M: You need another one?  
  
S: No. I want you to understand...  
  
M: I know that you need it signed, to Skinner doesn't loose his mind. Let's compromise!  
  
S: Alright then, lets get this said and done 'cause I'm about to reach for my gun!  
Here's a pen! (men!)  
  
M: Thanks.  
  
S: They say that I have the worst job, in the buero, is that true?  
  
M: (Offened by the comment) What?!  
  
S: You're yellin' again.  
  
M: Oh yes, I mean you don't have a bad- I mean, look at Harrison!  
  
S: What an embarassment.  
  
M: Only when she talks, but I've seen much worse.  
  
S: She doesn't have to put up with you! and Diana Fowley too. Sign it now!  
  
M: Yes!   
  
Mulder reaches for a pen, and starts to sign it. He looks up sheepishly.  
  
M: You know that I trust you.  
  
S: I'm your partner...  
  
M: And you know I like you along on the road trips.  
  
S: Could you sign the report? Oh won't you sign the report?  
  
M: I've run out of ink.  
  
Scully sighs and reaches for a pen on the desk.  
  
S: I'll get another, or maybe sit down again...  
  
She sighs with exhaustion and sinks into a nearby chair.  
  
M: Maybe it's a conspiracy. I hear Cancer Man lighting up again.  
  
(Match can be heard being lit the back background)  
  
S: That's nonsence, that's nonscence...  
  
Mulder takes one of Scully's hands with the pen in it, give it a little squeeze and releases it, now holding the pen.  
  
M: cold hands..  
  
S: Yours too, big, like Ahab's.  
  
Suddenly the CSM pops out of the corner in a "Scary Movie" mask, holding a lit ciggarette.  
  
CSM: You wanna light?  
  
M: Don't smoke.   
  
The CSM jestures the ciggarette towards Scully.  
  
S: No- there's that pen.  
  
M: Thank's again.  
  
Scully reaches out and gets the report, and says goodnight to Mulder and the CSM who are now watching the porno. She closes the door to the office slowly behind her and lets out a sigh. Skipping down the hall she sings:  
  
S: I've got it, I've got it! It's signedddddddddd!!!! 


End file.
